Healing Through My Breast Cancer
How’s it going? I hope you had a great summer!
It has been a while since I've sent you a newsletter, and it's for several reasons...
First, I was enjoying my summer and relaxing a bit more: swimming in the ocean, hiking, and surfing, spending my time with the people I love, and doing things that spark joy in my life.
I've also been putting some time and energy to organize next year's retreat in Bali. The website is now up and running, and I am super excited to share this information with you!
The other and the biggest reason for my procrastination was a bit more personal. Something significant happened in my life that needed my full attention, and even after the initial storm has passed, I was not sure how to bring it up to you in a newsletter.
On the April 20th, I was diagnosed with the stage I breast cancer.
I had two surgeries in June to remove a pea size tumor, some surrounding tissue, and a lymph node. Luckily, it was an early stage and slow growing cancer, and the test results are showing it was localized and no signs of spread. I will be closely monitoring with thermography and blood testing while continuing alternative healing therapies. I am happy to say, right now, I am feeling better than before my cancer diagnoses physically and emotionally.
When I was first diagnosed, I freaked out and fell into the space of self-doubt and self-criticism. I cried with intense emotions of fear, anger, frustration, resentment, shame, and guilt. I gave myself permission to get messy and feel whatever was coming up. It was painful but felt cleansing and healing to cry and release all those powerful energies without judging myself.
After a few days of emotional turmoil, I started to see things more clearly, and the despair was gradually replaced by the strong sense of purpose to understand the underlining cause of my disease so I can support my healing journey. I made a commitment to take the matter into my own hands to figure out what drove my body to develop cancer.
As I began to take a deeper look at my condition, I started to see all kinds of imbalances in my life from the physical level to the emotional and spiritual level. I am still learning every day and making adjustments with my diet, life style and attitude toward myself and my life. Cancer experience has been a huge wake-up call to turn around to face myself to expand the understanding of my deeper needs. I had to take an honest look at myself to see how often I was ignoring or suppressing my own needs, values, and standards to meet my own and others' expectations.
I knew well enough about the importance of self-love, self-acceptance, and living my truth, but it was not always easy to live what I knew was best for me, and what I was already teaching. Now, I am paying much closer attention to the messages from my body and my heart. I’ve softened the attitude I have towards myself. I am more compassionate when I see my flaws and imperfections. I am getting better at saying NO to taking on too much in order to respect my needs. It's a daily practice, and I am not perfect, but I am happy to say that I am more at peace with myself than I have ever felt before.
Obstacles, challenges, frustrations, and difficulties can be the life's best teacher to learn and grow. Though I do not wish to experience this again, I am grateful for the gifts I've received through this experience and how I am growing now. I trust that I am exactly where I am supposed to be.
I would like to hear from you with what lessons you've learned through your own life's challenges and how the experience impacted your life. Please share your story on my blog page, FB page, or by email.
I look forward to hearing from you!
Love and Gratitude,
Kiyomi
Artwork: Dylan Glynn
